I have also lost many friends along the way. Many people who know what has happened to me claim that I am cursed. They wonderhow so many things could happen to one person. But in all that, I have learned that God is my hiding place.

Each time I feel angry, I talk to God and I tell him all my feelings. And I asked him questions. I’ve learned to talk to him because I’ve talked to friends who have rejected me and said bad things about me. Some said that I looked for the men to do this to me. I said to someone, ‘I wish you could see how my rectum is stitched up. You wouldn’t open your mouth to say what you’re saying.’ So I’ve learned to take my emotions to God. Each day is a new feeling. Each day is a new battle; each day is a new victory. I’ve learned to trust in God.

Then somewhere along life’s way, God saw it fit to bless me with a man, the love of my life. My love story is really interesting. My husband was a moderator in a certain Facebook group called Single and Saved. I had been in that group for one year and had never noticed him, neither had he, until September 2018. I was going through a very difficult season, betrayal from friends, and trying to heal both emotionally and physically.

A mutual friend talked to him about me and asked him to talk to me. He wrote a message on Messenger saying that he wanted me to know I was on God’s mind and that He cares. He also asked me to talk to him whenever I needed someone to talk to. I didn’t reply. A week later, I was contemplating suicide. But before I did it, I felt a need to talk to someone. I remembered him and wrote to him. I told him I was about to commit suicide. He kept me awake the whole night through phone calls and chats and by morning, he had managed to change my mind about suicide.

Our relationship was purely friendship. He became my best friend and most of our time was spent on calls and chats. And since he lived far away from me, we also visited each other occasionally. For the very first time, I experienced how it felt to have a best friend. We talked about everything under the sun. Each time he spotted a nice girl, he would tell me about it and each time a guy hit on me, I would tell him about it.

We had conversations about God and spirituality. I’m a very deep person and petty conversations put me off. It was easy connecting with him since he is also deep and his way of understanding things is different. I had stopped praying for a husband and all I wanted at this point was healing, but His ways are not our ways. I’m the first person God spoke to about marriage and I kept saying I was not ready. At the same time, God had started me on a journey of forgiveness, and each time I forgave and embraced love, the more He spoke to me about Him.

I was so afraid to love again considering what I had been through in my past. I was also afraid of losing him as a friend since I thought once we got married, that would happen. I was wrong about that. So one day as we were having a conversation, he started talking about marriage. I knew God had already spoken to him about it and now most of our conversations were centred on this, though we still kept it at friendship level.

On Oct. 15, 2019, he finally asked me to be his woman and also proposed. I said yes and that’s how our relationship status changed. The first thing I had prayed for in a husband was a man who worshipped and loved God deeply and this man is sold out for God. I had also prayed for a man who would see beyond my story. The truth is, my husband knows some things about me that no one else does. At first, I was so afraid of opening up. But as the Holy Spirit led, I shared everything with him and he has walked with me through those difficult moments. God used him to heal some very deep scars I carried through his encouragement and prayer for and with me.

At times, I would wake up healed; other times, I would wake up with all my wounds bleeding. At times, I would push him away and go quiet on him, but he always reached out and pulled me from any engulfing emotion. He is very patient and consistent. Also, he let me be me. With him, I don’t pretend to be someone else and that’s one thing that drew me to him.