Life was very difficult because everyone had deserted me. Only one aunt stood by me. Everyone thought I was a bad child, and I also believed that I was a bad child. It’s only recently that I’ve been able to forgive myself and realized that I was not a bad child.”

By this time, my grandmother had passed away. So I had no one to give her any advice. Nobody was there for me. There I was, a baby having a baby. I was traumatized and I pretended to be strong, but I knew I would not leave my child the way my mom left me. I was determined to raise my child, but I didn’t know how. I was just a teenager who had no experience whatsoever

When my son was a year and three months old, I made up my mind and decided to reconcile with my son’s father. Then I went back to him. I became pregnant again at the age of 17 years.

When the time came to have the baby, I stayed shut up in the house and I was in labour for three days. I had again separated from my husband. I had no friends left, and I remember crying out to God and saying, ‘Please just let me die, this is too painful for me.’ With the little strength I had left, I held onto my bed and screamed. I pushed out my son and then I collapsed. The scream I let out must have alarmed a neighbour, because when I came back to my senses, the neighbour had cut the cord.

I didn’t go to the hospital because I didn’t have any money on me and I guess I was so depressed. I had not gone for any prenatal care, and in Kenya, you cannot just go to the hospital to give birth if you have not had any prenatal care. I remember when I woke up, I had nothing to eat. Somebody just brought me some black tea. Two weeks after delivering the baby, I was doing some odd jobs to earn a living. Life had to go on. I had to take care of my two children.

And so by 18, I have my second child. Nobody in my family wants to see me. My uncles were done with me and everyone had deserted me.

After some time, the father of my children got an opportunity to travel to the U.S to work. So he left and would send me some money to take care of the family. Two years later, he returned and we couple decided to have our third baby. That’s when things became bad.