It’s My Story: What role does marriage play in the life of a woman who is destined to prevail?

Dr Nunoo: Marriage plays an important role for those who desire marriage.  Research shows that, as a career woman, who you marry has a great impact on how far you go in your career.  I was a bit older when I got married (I was 33) so I knew what I wanted and was able to choose a man based on my criteria.  I actually wrote down my criteria in my book of God’s promises (even though these were not strictly promises).  I had non-negotiables and negotiables.  The non-negotiables were things like being Christian, being able support my career, celebrating my acheivements etc. The negotiables were things like height (thankfully God fulfilled my desire of having a tall man lol), looks, nationality etc.  So, for me I was very intentional about the man I wanted to marry.  However, I realise we all go into marriage differently and at different stages of our lives.  I think it is very important to have a husband who actively supports your dreams.  Actively means that he is actually a part of pursuing your dreams.  For example, I often must work late due to my teaching and numerous commitments.  My husband runs his own business and so his schedule is usually more flexible than mine.  When we first got married, he would often come to my classes (I usually teach from 5pm-8pm) and sit in my class.  My students loved him.  What they did not know was that he was assessing my teaching and alerting me on issues/ students to keep an eye on.  It really helped in improving my teaching and my teaching assessments attest to this fact.  That is just one example but my point is that actively supporting your dreams involves some sacrifice on your husband’s part.  It involves lifestyle adjustments.  It also involves being open and honest with each other.  Many African men are not raised in this way, so it is a big adjustment.  The sacrifice they are taught is one regarding finances but not regarding their time or emotions.  It is important that our husbands understand that, although financial commitment is important, it takes more than that to have a fulfilling marriage.